In fact my birthday was Tuesday but I felt like crying: no, I tell a lie, I did cry. I was tired; Husband forgot to say 'happy birthday' (so therefore the children didn't even realise it was my birthday) and we were meant to get to school early as Son had a trip and so there was the usual palaver and bad temper about getting them out of the door. I find the entire morning routine exhausting and frustrating, and the fact that I now take them to the same place makes no difference whatsoever.
I am a very bad stay-at-home Mum: not helped by the fact that I also get wound up with worries about money.
Tuesday did in fact improve vastly, helped by lots of messages from friends wishing me a Happy Birthday and making various comments, by being asked to write another 5 pieces for 'Little Cumbria' (mark 2 - revamped), being phoned about a telephone interview for Radio Cumbria for Monday, and then by choir that evening singing 'Happy Birthday' to me. I also came home from fetching the children from school to find an absolutely gorgeous rose bush from Special Friend M. awaiting me on the doorstep. It's called 'Skylark' and has delicately scented, beautiful, huge, pink blossoms. It will soon be in the garden next to 'Gentle Hermione'.
Unfortunately I was so hyper after the exciting prospect of being interviewed and recorded for radio again that I spent about 3 hours in the early hours of the morning awake with ideas and imaginary conversations whizzing around my head. I'm always on a high after singing anyway: it's similar to doing exercise late in the evening. You'd think it might make you a bit tired but in fact you can end up buzzing.
I only fell back to sleep at 5.30 a.m., to be woken at 6.30 a.m. Because as a result I was very tired, Wednesday started poorly as well and was made worse by having to sign on. I have to sign on every week at the moment and apparently the intermittent extra weeks are when I am meant to have an interview about my job search, and They at the Job Centre are meant to be able to help me. Judging by the help I received about my C.V. (i.e. zero help and no answers to specific questions I asked), I am somewhat sceptical about what help they can be to me in finding a job: particularly as I feel I am making a lot of effort anyway and not doing only the obvious. If I sat around waiting for a surveying job I'd probably still be there this time next year. The rather scatty woman I spoke to even gave me a booklet about job hunting: pah! Quite frankly I've probably sought and obtained far better jobs than she ever has. On the other hand if she can find me something which pays me a decent income up to Christmas, and is part-time, then fine. I think next time I shall take both my C.V.s with me.
Special Friend M's husband, on the other hand, who amongst other things is a qualified Life Coach as well as being an all-round Good Guy, was and is prepared to be far more help. I had my singing lesson early yesterday evening and while Husband was at Boxing I had a conversation with S.F.M's H. (amazingly I only got one interruption from Daughter: Son was sound asleep). I had asked for some help in preparing a 'creative and media' type C.V. so we had a good chat about that. I felt a bit big-headed saying I have a good voice for radio, but I'm not basing that on my own opinion (I don't have a clue), but rather on feedback I have had from people who know what they're talking about: and the fact that I keep getting asked back. And job-hunting is all about promoting yourself, albeit in a realistic way. If I hum and ha about whether I'm any good or not then people won't take me on.
I'm also a bit worried that I could pursue the line of writing/voice overs/singing/part-time lecturing and get nowhere, but on the other hand the signs so far are positive and also Husband pointed out that now is my opportunity to do so: it's not as if I'm giving up a huge salary in order to try it all out.
A CD arrived this morning from Radio Cumbria with recordings of my first two 'Little Cumbrias' and of the trails I've done. I now need to buy some blank CDs, rip and burn the tracks I want (I hope I can separate my voice out from the others) and then send them off to voice-over agencies. I'm scared but excited: nervous but hopeful. It's a bit like singing in public: you never know how you're going to be received, and in fact some people like you and some people don't.
I've also got my first singing 'gig' lined up. I'm going to be singing at a charity bash at the Howard Arms on 9th October. I'm only singing for half an hour whilst people arrive - almost a warm-up act for the jazz band - but it should be nice and informal I think with people talking and getting drinks rather than sitting watching and listening to me! Carlisle Living, the local 'glam' magazine will be there, which could be some good publicity (fingers crossed: also hope I don't look ridiculous being so pregnant and not very tall: maybe I'll wear heels just for that 30 mins), and if I do OK it could lead to future, paid, work for the Howard Arms, and maybe even other people if they hear me and like me. I'm a bit concerned because the Howard Arms guys haven't replied to my email yet: have they changed their minds (and what if they don't like me when they hear me?)?
I wrote all 5 pieces for the new and revised Little Cumbria this morning before fetching Daughter from school. The brief has become looser which has given more scope for creativity, and I was fairly pleased with what I wrote: I hope they will be too. I chose the theme of 'Five Great Memories' and wrote about my aunt Janet, without whom I would not have started singing again; turning 40 (when I came first in my age group in a triathlon); memories from working abroad (including the comment that it's lovely to share fantastic scenery but that it can be a bit more emotional when you're on your own); 'performing'; and My Husband.
I have loads of other things I want to write about and I hope I'll manage to get round to doing so next week: it's amazing where the time has gone this week. Tomorrow morning I have a practice with my accompanist for the Howard Arms 'gig', and ideally I'd like to go in to try out the acoustics and make sure they've received my email. Meanwhile I'm also awaiting a response from one of the well-known women's magazines to my article about being 49 and pregnant.
What would be really great would be some feedback if anyone is reading my blog. Has it become too rambling? Have I been unemployed for too long now, with no progress, and it's become boring? I'm trying to cover one subject per post, apart from when I do a general update, but am I trying to cover too many subjects: should I concentrate on just one and start another blog for other subjects? Let me know.
Meanwhile, there were only a few tears on my birthday (and a big cuddle from my gorgeous and sensitive little boy, who immediately said 'Happy Birthday Mummy' when I told him why I was upset). It never takes me long to bounce back!
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