My mother has always said I am generous: but it takes no effort to be generous when you can easily afford it, does it? Real generosity is giving something when you have little in the way of material possessions or money but you still manage to give someone something he or she needs, or really appreciates.
Good Friend C., with whom I had lunch in Newcastle, said I'd always liked quite a champagne lifestyle, and she's right. I love shopping for things and I love possesions and the items that money can buy: since having the children I have really missed holidays abroad, and going skiing this year was a real treat. But as I said earlier today in this blog, when you have less to spend then somehow the list of things you think you'd like shrinks. When I was single and living in my flat in Watford, with an extremely small mortgage, I felt rich. I did ultimately become happy as well, and I liked spending my money on myself as well as on my friends: but I don't think I've been any less happy the last six months or so and I somehow doubt that I'll be less happy over the forthcoming months when my income is likely to be less still. In fact compared with the job I was in until April, I'm a lot happier.
I'm sure I'll still get worried about lack of money from time to time, but so long as the mortgage and bills are covered and we can eat and pay for things the children need like shoes and school uniform, we'll be fine.
What has particularly brought these thoughts to the fore today is that at choir tonight my lovely, lovely Dutch friend gave me a secondhand baby buggy and car seat. She could have sold them and got some ,much-needed money for herself: instead, generous and supportive human being that she is, she gave them to me. The same applies to R-down-the-road: I have had stacks of lovely baby clothes and a baby bath and a bouncy seat from her, and again she wanted nothing in return. I have in fact just given her a car seat and a bottle of wine, and I hope I can find something that my Dutch friend wants or needs (I wish I could find some work for her). I shall endeavour to keep everything nice so that when I've finished with all these baby items I can give them back to them so that they can still sell them, if they want to, or so that I can hand them on to someone else. I've given loads of baby and children clothes away over the years but I never needed the money: these two women have given when they could have used the money themselves. That's real generosity.
I don't want to sound too slushy and over the top, but I think this is what fundamentally matters in life: friendship and sharing. I feel that at the moment I have only my brain, my voice and my time to offer people: but if that can help them then I shall give it. I would love to be well-off again some day and be able to give the children loads of experiences like skiing and going to Greece and France and so forth, and I'm sure we shall be in that situation again at some point: but meantime they are surrounded by lovely loving people and actually they lack very little, if anything. It was interesting that when Husband gave them the choice, they said they'd prefer to have him living here and earning less - i.e. fewer toys - rather than living in Aberdeen during the week with more money and toys.
It's all obvious, really, isn't it: but sometimes I forget what matters, and get too bothered about possessions. There are plenty of people worse off than us: at least we have a small mortgage. As my Dutch friend said, if she had to choose between poverty and freedom she knew which she'd choose: and she's quite right. Not that we're poor.
One of life's lessons which I jolly well should know by now was reiterated to me again today, loudly and clearly. We've had the spendthrift party time for now: let's enjoy the less consumer-driven time just as much, and start to appreciate what is really important in life. I'm sure there are people out there to whom I haven't been generous in the past, despite previously having the time and money, and I apologise.
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