SNOW ON THE STEPPES!

Well, on the highest fells at least.

I knew winter was really here when there were reports yesterday of snow on high ground and there it was, visibly, in Cumbria.  Brampton Fell and the northernmost end of the Pennines seem to have lost their covering today and its looking rather grey on what I think may be Hevellyn and Blencathra, which we see as we drive towards the motorway, but even so it's a sure sign that we are no longer in autumn but that winter has arrived.  The fact that the car thermometer said minus something when we left for school yesterday was another clue.

I love this weather.  It's sunny so everything is a mixture of green, gold and blue, and the low temperature doesn't bother me at all because it's always possible to put on extra layers of clothes (in fact I don't even have the heating on in the house as I write this: it seems rather self-indulgent to put the heating on during the day when only I am in).

My mood has improved somewhat because we've also heard that the Tax Credits people do not now expect us to repay them £1,400 - a figure which they agreed over a year ago we shouldn't have to repay, but which for some reason didn't get updated on our records, so now, when we need the money most, we've been getting hardly anything.  I also heard from the Job Centre that I am eligible for Maternity Allowance, which is a huge relief - rather than an income of c.£120 per month I shall be getting c.£120 per week for up to 39 weeks.  I really hadn't wanted to have to start applying for jobs with a newborn baby and to have to be considering putting the baby into nursery at 3 months old.  Funny how the relief about the money has made me feel generally more optimistic and energetic, despite a second particularly bad night's sleep, lying awake wondering how much the baby would move.

I even feel less annoyed with the hospital than I did.  The Community Midwife had - for a second time in this pregnancy - arranged for a Dr. to call me with more details about the low amniotic fluid.  Nobody bothered to phone me, so I called this morning.  I was put through to a midwife who, quite frankly, made me feel as if I was making a fuss about nothing, and who could give me no extra information.  To her maybe she sees this all the time and it's nothing to worry about: for me it is the first time I've experienced it, I'm worried anyway because of my age and because I know of two people who had very late stillborn babies, and also I don't know anyone else who has had low amniotic fluid.  The most reassuring person was a lady from choir who bothered to phone me, who's a retired midwife and was able to say that they see it quite a bit, and that because of my age they'll be keeping an extra eye on me.  I can't decide whether to write a letter to the AnteNatal clinic complaining, and copy it to the Community Midwife; whether to phone the Community Midwife again; or whether just to wait until Monday when I go back in and I get to see 'my' normal consultant as well.  I'm tempted by the first.

Meanwhile on the singing front it was quite a relief not to have to worry about going to choir last night.  I almost fell asleep at 8pm anyway, and did finally turn out the light at 10pm.  I had a slight sore throat from doing about half an hour's singing practice but I also felt boosted by the fact that MJ, who quite often accompanies me and who came round to practice a Mozart aria I'm singing in school in a few weeks, said that I sang Mozart well/it suited my voice (or something confidence-boosting along those lines anyway!).  I'm now thinking definitely of entering 'Porgi Amor' for Carlisle Festival next March and also perhaps doing something from the C Minor Mass.  There is also a duet I want to sing with WT, one of the basses at choir, and a trio I'd like to do with him and with MT (the girl I sang 'Sull'Aria' with last year, when we came second).  So it could be quite a Mozart-fest if I get my way!

People have been so lovely and supportive, and choir have been very understanding about my giving up so early (I had sworn blindly that I was determined to keep going up until the end of term).  Humans are capable of so much kindness, and a little kindness can go a long way: why then can we also be so thoughtless and sometimes cruel beyond imagining?