This Domestic Goddess has definitely fallen to earth: with a rather large thump. I guess it's partly that Baby Massage Friend E. is researching 'migratory women' and it's made me think even more about my role in the family, and how my life has changed and where I'm going (if anywhere). Her conclusion so far seems mostly to be that migration within the UK does not affect a woman's career so much as having children does, which tallies neatly with my writing to my Ante-Natal Friends in Bristol when I first moved up here and saying that my career was looking pretty dire, but that having children probably killed it anyway.
I really think one of the main problems is trying to get a new job on a part-time basis at a reasonably senior level: if you can stay with the firm you're already with when you have your children then often it seems they'll be flexible; but going somewhere new is a bit trickier. Then of course you have the problem that if you apply for jobs which are more junior (but which still pay enough to cover childcare and some - as otherwise it's just not worth doing) they wonder why you're applying for something you're over-qualified for, and wonder how long you'll stick to it and whether you're going to be horrendously bolshie and difficult to manage (which some people think I am). In my case I think this is probably exacerbated by the fact that I'm coming up to 50 and at that sort of age when you've been in a senior position previously, people wonder how long you'll stick to it... etc. And of course in some ways they have a point as if you spot something better and are lucky enough to get it, then of course you'll move on.
But back to the Domestic Goddess point. I hate housework (minus points in terms of being a Domestic Goddess) but don't count cooking as a chore but as creative - unless I'm trying to do it when the Baby is crying with frustration, as this evening, and the Older Children are asking where their tea is. I am currently making an apricot caramel ice cream, which fills me with excited anticipation as I think it could be rather tasty. But that's making something and often extemporising by improving upon a recipe, and the only chore is the necessary evil of washing up. Anything else seems to me sheer drudgery and also I tend to think I'm just too intelligent to waste hours of my life doing cleaning and such like. The problem is one of character, however: personally I don't like the house being dirty and I hate clutter. You know the Feng Shui thing about an uncluttered house leading to an uncluttered mind? That is exactly how I feel. In fact I blame the clutter and untidiness for the fact that for the last few days I have felt as if I didn't know where to start in terms of all my 'jobs'. By the way, I have some satisfaction though in that I have, having put the ice cream on to churn, just nipped out and weed-killered some of the nasty weeds including, importantly, the next door wilderness ones which were threatening to migrate on to my rockery/bee garden.
I also do that classic woman thing of getting fed up with Husband and resentful as I feel I do the majority of the housework. This evening he ran home from work and got home at about 7p.m., just as I was getting the Baby out of the bath and in time for his dinner to be put on the table. I then put the Baby to bed and started doing 'stuff' around the kitchen, only then to find out he was sitting watching TV. He did then start the ironing, but came through 40 minutes later saying he'd done an hour and was 'going out' (playing on the computer in some make-believe place). I told him what I thought.
I know I shall feel far better when I've done some potentially saleable writing: I woke up with an idea for an article this morning, had another idea later on, and have got three or four potential interviews going around in my head. Unfortunately due to the Feng Shui personality I can't sit down and write unless I have a good hour or so clear and I'm not thinking about all the other things which need doing.
Husband did finally drop my demo CD off to Radio Cumbria for me today. I think there is far too much talking at the beginning which is rather boring, and Steve noticeably did not say that it was great, so I'm not feeling too optimistic. I did however make the note in my covering letter that I'd want to redo it, having heard it. There's the nub: I don't want to call myself a Domestic Goddess or a Housewife but a Broadcaster, Singer, Writer, Voiceover Artist, Teacher... and Triathlete. And I've just realised that I haven't even mentioned 'Surveyor' in there! Some surveying lecturing would still not come amiss, or better still being able to present some property programmes on TV. I think freelancing perhaps just takes some time to get going, and that unless you're in the field and given some contracts early on, that that's just the way it goes. I bet many another woman who decided to follow a freelance career or set up her own business after having children found the same: after all, if you're changing career to fit around children your hours are necessarily shorter. I guess I'm starting a business really, the business of selling myself. The only way round it is to go to bed really late, but I'm too bad-tempered if I do that.
That's my rant for today and the ice-cream should be about ready to go in the freezer, so this very Human-not-Domestic-Goddess is going to go to sort out the ice cream and then go to bed.
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