WIND

The lovely weather continues although it's been increasingly windy, such that our lawns are now covered in pale pink cherry blossom which looks like a rather pretty confetti, and when we went out earlier today in the car we found Paving Brow closed as a tree had fallen right across it!  In addition quite a large proportion of our big bonfire-to-be (branches from shrubs my Father-in-Law chopped down, in the former pond hole) blew into the side of the ferret run.  I put it back together and tried to get it lighted, but unfortunately it's too green at the moment.

I haven't done any more gardening since last weekend and it's as if having almost finished the lawn project (I am just waiting for the afore-mentioned bonfire to take place so that I can then spread a layer of compost over the entire area and then sow the lawn seed) I've rather lost enthusiasm.  In fact generally I'm not feeling particularly enthusiastic about anything: I start singing lessons again this week and had a French lesson last week but I seem to be in a wanting to sit, read and sleep type mood.  Maybe it's been prompted by my reading the final of the Harry Potter books.  I don't know why, but I have found them all compulsive reading and have been staying up far later than I should with my nose stuck in the last one.  Hence I'm tired....

The baby, bless him, didn't wake until 5.45 this morning: so that's twice now he could be said to have gone through the night.  The only problem is that he usually nearly wakes at one point at least in the night, tossing and turning and making a lot of noise, and whilst he then settles down and goes back to sleep I'm on tenterhooks: sleepily wanting to snuggle back down under the duvet and go back to sleep but my hearing super-alert in case he decides he really is going to wake up and want milk.  He doesn't really like waking in the night anyway: I change his nappy and he keeps his eyes tight shut, just making minor noises of objection and eating his fist to demonstrate that he'd like his milk.

Yesterday I watched the Royal Wedding on TV apart from a large section in the middle when the Baby needed a clean nappy.  I thought the dress was lovely but I kept thinking, for some reason, of Henry VIII and all his wives.  Also where was the Princess Royal?  Husband was working and kept poking his head around the door every-so-often to say what a load of rubbish, etc.: but I do rather wish my wedding had been a bit more sumptious and I will admit now to having a wish as a little girl that I could marry a Prince (and Daughter is now expressing the same wish!).

I don't suppose life is simple for people with that sort of wealth, but you can't help thinking that they can buy themselves out of a lot of problems: and that it really is a completely different world.  I guess at the moment it made me particularly conscious of how much less money I have than I had before I had children: but then, which would I rather have?  (hmmm - sometimes, the money!!!  Both older children ended up in their separate bedrooms yesterday, they were so awful - bickering, Daughter being rude and disobedient....).  So job-hunting will start in earnest soon.... and so will getting fit and losing weight and singing practice and making sure I get more French done and trying to get the freelance side of things going more....  But in the meantime let's just enjoy the weather and the fact that in the middle of a more-or-less worldwide recession, we all had the excuse for a bit of a party!

SLEEPING THROUGH!

The Baby slept through until 6.15a.m. last night!

Only a few days ago he had a stinking cold and was waking me up with his grunting.  Ex-work friend L. - who henceforth is going to be referred to as Godmother L. - and I went for a walk up Heughscar Hill on Monday, with the Baby in his buggy.  We were rewarded with a fantastic, albeit slightly misty, view over to Ullswater from the top but the Baby objected wildly to trying to drink milk with the wind blowing relatively vigorously and a bunged up nose.  I don't think GodML had seen him so upset and cross and red in the face before.  Not long after however he was back to his normal cheery self and the last couple of days, now that the snotty nose is far less snotty, he has been very smiley.  I thought some fresh air would do him good!

He loves being outside.  We were in Forfar at the weekend, dropping off Older Son and Daughter at my sister-in-laws for Scotland Nanny and Grandad to pick up for a few days holiday (and being spoilt) in Aberdeen.  Sister-in-Law lives next to a field with some trees round it, and the Baby loved watching them blowing in the breeze.  I'm not sure what sort of tree they were but they were quite 'light' and bendy and made a gentle swooshing noise as the wind blew through them.

He's also been outside in our garden in his buggy or on a blanket recently while I dig.  I'm making progress in terms of converting an old border into lawn: I've dug over about half of it and moved some plants I wanted to keep to other places in the garden, the pond hole is full of stuff which is going to make a fantastic bonfire/barbeque at the weekend, and by the time I've levelled it and raked it I reckon we'll need very little compost to finish it off.

The only problem is that the other two are always attracted to freshly dug soil......

Daughter had an intensive swimming course last week - five lessons in five days - and by the end could, basically, swim.  Well, she was wearing one armband, which as the teacher said, was giving her no help (other than psychological) at all.  I guess the psychological help is pretty key though!  She also won the Grand National (well, BallaBriggs did, which was a close enough match for Husband's boss to put a bet on).

GodML has a new job which she starts soon, which is great - and near her home, too (or will be).  I shall miss meeting up and going for walks though.  It's always easier to explore when there's someone to explore with.  Meanwhile I need votes on what to do with my hair.  Do I dye it again or go grey gracefully?  Long or short?  I'm tempted by the cheapest option of a cut and blow dry but also, despite being proud to be able to conceive and bear a child at nearly 50, have to admit to rather a lot of vanity and did think whilst watching the television this morning that almost all the female presenters have their hair dyed.....

TOP GEAR, INSULTS AND LOTS OF OTHER STUFF....

We went for a short walk in Rowbank Woods after school today - one of my favourite running routes but the children had never been there before.  With ponds to explore, streams to jump over, a disused railway line to run along and a real railway station to watch trains at, it was immediately popular and I've promised them another visit soon.

The weather has been fantastic this week and earlier I was enjoying just sitting looking out of my study - the baby's bedroom - window at the view.  You're so much more aware of the seasons living in the country: I can see that the trees are beginning to have new leaf buds on them.

I was feeling a bit despondent due to lack of money this week, but one of the things that made me feel better was being insulted by L., the wife of accompanist M.  I was saying how despondent I'd felt about my performances at Carlisle Festival and she said that she thought I'd looked dreadful: and also that I had after all only just had a baby.  Maybe I really was lacking in energy and that affected my performances - not that I think I would have done any better against the competition, but I might have felt that I had performed better if I had felt more energetic at the time.  It also seemed like a long time away from the three children and Husband, and I felt guilty as well that I'd left Husband to deal with them for so long: especially as the Baby is so used to being with me rather than anyone else (I don't remember feeling quite so attached with the other two: maybe it's because this time I am so conscious that this is my last go at being a mother to a newborn baby, and I really appreciate it and feel so lucky that it happened).

I had a thought in relation to having children late the other day.  I'd already considered that I grew up late - I was more like a screwed up teenager in my 20s and did what a lot of 20-somethings do in my 30s (being a holiday rep.; going clubbing; falling for unsuitable and non-committal men; developing my career) and so perhaps it was inevitable that it would be in my 40s that I'd do what many people do in their 30s - get married and settle down and produce offspring.  But I then had another thought along similar lines.  You go through your life trying out various personae: clubber; careerwoman; sportswoman; mother.  The trouble with the last is that you can't just walk away from it if you don't like it: but then your overwhelming love for your miraculous children prevents you from doing so.  Or at least, it does in most circumstances.  And aren't they all just miracles?  There are billions of people on this earth and yet each one is unique and a miracle.  It's astounding, but I don't think you really appreciate it until you hold a newborn baby in your arms.  Just before any child-free people feel insulted, I don't mean only parents appreciate the miracle: I mean that watching a baby blossom and develop into a toddler, a child and then an adult is quite amazing.

I've managed to write relatively little about the Baby in this post but I did want to note that I had him weighed yesterday, at nearly 14 weeks.  He was 15lb 5oz and is nearly 75th centile now for weight!  I also did a rough measurement of his length at home last night (I wanted to check that he wasn't just short and very fat) and he's also currently quite long.  I then looked at Older Son's record and he was almost exactly the same weight and height at the same age: but is now definitely slim and one of the shortest in his class.  So who knows how they'll turn out as adults!

Older Son wanted to sleep in bed with me the other night so I told him he could provided that he read to the Baby to get him to go to sleep.  He read a book about sharks.  It reminded me of the scene in Three Men and a Baby where one of the guys is reading an account of a baseball match to the baby girl, and says that it doesn't matter what you read, it's your tone of voice that counts.  The Baby certainly seems just to love people talking to him, whatever rubbish it is: and will often burst into giggles about very little.

But I shall stop writing about my beautiful children and go off to bed.  I get so cross with the older two at times: but I do so thank God or Nature or whatever for them.  I wish I could learn not to get so wound-up: but I'm a mother - I have to have several things to be guilty about!